10 Life Lessons You Can Learn From Oprah
Oprah Winfrey’s beginnings, as she likes to remind people, were decidedly unpromising. The unwanted result of the chance meeting of Vernon Winfrey and Vernita Lee under an oak tree, she was born into rural Mississippi at a time when black women were second-class citizens. But she always knew she was destined for a different life to that of her mother and grandmother. Now 54 this month and one of the most influential women on the planet, Oprah is one-woman proof that self-belief and determination can give you wings — wings with which to rise above circumstance and become something great. In her working life, she celebrates the hard-won lessons learned by celebrities, by ordinary people who’ve achieved the extraordinary, and by herself along the way. Here’s what she’s discovered.

Practice Gratitude
Every day, Oprah opens her "gratitude journal" and writes down at least five things for which she’s grateful. Items might include simple pleasures such as walking in the forest with her dogs, reading a good book, or cooking with Stedman. Or the big things she never wants to take for granted, such as financial security and good friends. Why? Because even in the midst of despair and self-pity, there’s always something to be grateful for. It’s not easy being grateful all the time, Oprah admits (sometimes, she says, ‘I’m still breathing’ makes into her journal), but it’s when you feel least thankful that you can benefit most from this perspective.

Listen To Your Whispers
What you should be doing with your life comes to you in a whisper, then a message, then a crisis, then a disaster, Oprah once told an audience in Johannesburg, South Africa. How often have you looked back at a relationship that turned abusive, a job that left you drained, an investment scheme that seemed too good to be true, and thought, ‘Deep down, I had doubts all along’? One of Oprah’s mantras is ‘Doubt means don’t’ — when something doesn’t feel right, don’t rush forward. Set aside quiet time and start listening to what your whispers are telling you.

Love Your Body
Oprah has described her love-hate relationship with her body as a lifelong struggle. You name the diet — Beverly Hills, Atkins, Cabbage Soup — she’s tried it. But when she turned 50, she decided to change her mindset, and the results show in her svelte figure and radiant health. Her secret? Being grateful for the strong, uncomplaining body she’s been given, and treating herself as well as she treats others. That means treating her body with love and respect — feeding it healthy, delicious food instead of junk, relishing the occasional bit of chocolate, exercising her body regularly, and then letting it rest. ‘Finally, I’ve made peace with my body,’ she says.

Find Your Passion
Oprah tells the unusual story of an American woman who discovered that her true passion in life was plucking eyebrows. Now a sought-after eyebrow guru who charges substantial dollars to pluck imperfect brows into shape, she uses her talent to the service of others and makes thousands of women feel like movie stars. Which just goes to illustrate one of Oprah’s core beliefs: not everyone can be famous, but everyone can be great. We all have a God-given gift and a passion, and it’s our job to find out what this is and use it. Don’t worry about being successful, she advises. Rather focus on being significant, and success will follow. Act as though you really matter, and don’t waste time trying to be something you’re not. (Only after she got over trying to be Diana Ross, Oprah says, could she focus on her true path.)

Get Over Your Disease To Please
This may be news to you: if you make a decision that your partner, friends, or family don’t like, the world will not end. Do you often say ‘yes’ when inside you feel a distinct ‘no’? Do you feel you must stick to decisions you’ve made to preserve your honor and reputation? It’s taken Oprah years to get over her desire to please others in the hope of making herself more acceptable and lovable. If you’re afraid of doing things because they won’t please others, you’ll close yourself off from the life you truly want to live.

Create Your Own Happiness
Many of us would describe ourselves as "looking for happiness." But happiness isn’t something you get from other people, Oprah believes. It’s something you feel when you give love. And the more love you’re able to give, the more happiness you feel. She learned this lesson the hard way — trying to stop a boyfriend from driving away during an argument in her 20s. (Believing she was actually strong enough to physically hold him back, she clung to his car bumper and was flung to the ground when he sped off, in front of the neighbors.) Only you can fill the empty places inside yourself with love — and once you’ve done that, you’ll be able to love others freely.

Surround Yourself With Cheerleaders
Wherever Oprah goes, her best friend and colleague Gayle King goes too, either in body or in spirit. They met 31 years ago at a TV station where they were both working, and from day one, Gayle let Oprah know how proud she was of her achievement in becoming an anchorwoman, and how thrilled she was to be working on her team. Gayle and Oprah have the kind of friendship everyone needs — based on respect and unconditional support. Gayle, Oprah extols, believes in her completely, supports her decisions, and offers caring advice — and tells her when she’s spending too much money. Examine your relationships, weed out the ones that drain you, and cultivate the people who believe in you.

Thoughts Are Powerful
One of the reasons Oprah Winfrey is a household name today is because, deep down, she always believed she was worth more than the package life initially offered her. You become what you believe, she says. Growing up in Mississippi in the 1950s, she was expected to grow up poor, with few prospects, but, she says, "I never believed that would be my life." When she was four, her grandmother told her to watch and learn how she boiled clothes in a giant pot and hung them out, because she’d have to do this one day. Oprah remembers thinking, "No, I won’t." If you believe you’ll never be happy, never be a success, never find a job you love, you’ll inadvertently make that your reality. Your beliefs can either propel you forward or hold you back,

Stay In The Moment
This is one of Oprah’s favorite stress-busting tools. Instead of expending emotional energy on worrying about what should have happened or what might happen next, stay focused on the present. Try to keep your energy for right now. The present moment is where you have impact and choices, whereas you have no control over what is past or what is to come. Try her method for centering yourself when you start feeling stressed: go somewhere quiet, take a deep breath in, hold it for a few seconds, and release it. Continue slowly inhaling and exhaling. As you focus on your breathing, surrender to what’s beyond your control, and concentrate on what you’re presented with right now.

Lighten Up
Life is complex and offers many things — difficulties, lessons, pain, rewards — but it can also be tremendous fun. Every day, Oprah believes, is an opportunity to laugh, sing, kick up your heels, and dance. You’re frequently presented with moments in which you can feel the wind on your face and the exhilaration of being alive. Don’t miss those moments. She remembers a night in Los Angeles when her show was on tour with the legendary Tina Turner — and she got to live her dream of rocking on stage with the singer. At first she felt self-conscious and tried to move to the rhythm, until it dawned on her: this song would soon be over and the moment would be gone forever. So she decided to loosen up, throw her head up, and — forget the choreography — just dance. Don’t watch life from the audience; get up there and live it. — Catriona Ross